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Good news and bad news

Which do you want first? Well, I could answer by saying “good news, I’m going home for a year, bad news I’m leaving home for a year.

The last two months have been real hard, that’s why I hadn’t posted anything. I was feeling bad, my medication was changed, changed again, I became horribly depressed, I went to the acute station for two weeks, my medication was changed again, I was feeling a little better, I came back to Pavillon 2, got a new tattoo, pierced my nose again, was doing a lot better and then at the end of Monday’s psychotherapy session I hit rock bottom.


I spent Tuesday and Wednesday the whole day in bed, couldn’t go to my therapies, cuddled all my plushies, cried a lot, had migraines, wanted to die so that the suffering (which precedence I didn’t even know) stopped . AND THEN all of a sudden I woke up on Thursday morning and everything was alright again. As if whatever was hunting me just vanished. I went to sleep every night hoping the next day would be better but believing it to be impossible. Well, it happened! I was astonished myself. And now that I was feeling better than in the last 2 months I was able to make a decision.

For some time I had been considering spending some time at home after spending these 5 months in the hospital, but at the same time that meant leaving home. Which made it so hard for me to make up my mind. Let me explain it: I’ve been living, studying and working in Vienna for three and a half years & the 3 years before that I spent about 4 months per year in Europe. So Vienna has become a second home to me.

I live in two completely different worlds, the weather’s different, the people are different, pretty much everything is different. I cannot even say I’m the same person in both places.

So the good news are: I’m going to Guatemala for a year.

The bad news are: I’m leaving Vienna for a year.

There’s a lot to tell and even more to do, but right now I’m leaving to sing some karaoke.

I’m just really excited I’ve finally decided what to do next. I’m thankful I have such a loving and supporting family, I’m thankful I’m young and I’ve had and still have time to work on myself, I’m thankful I have a place to go where I’ll always be welcome because I’m conscious that’s not the case for everyone.

There are some goals for my mental health for when I’m there. The main one is to get off ALL my medications. I know that with the support of my family even what seems impossible can be possible.

I’m going for now. More posts are coming soon. Now that I’m finally able to write again.